I’m not one to complain about my looks but if I had to pick one thing I’d like to change about my appearance it’d probably be my nose. It’s that one feature that reminds me every day that I don’t have those all-American good looks I always hoped for. Instead I look more Eastern European…and there’s really nothing wrong with that.
Although there’s no guaranteed proof of the causation, I like to think my big(ger) nose is the reason my face runs into things so frequently. It certainly has nothing to do with my utter lack of grace. Let’s just say my nose is not gonna get an smaller if I don’t stop smashing it into such objects as floors, tanning beds, doors, and walls.
Before I tell the story of last night’s nose smashing I will start with the first few times I thought I broke my nose.
Story one: Oops, i forgot my arms
Gymnastics, age 13. Missed the high bar. Fell into a belly smacker on the ground. Never thought to put my hands down to protect my face during the face-first fall into the ground. Oops.
Story two: Tanning beds are bad for your health
Never sneeze in the tanning bad. It’s worse than the cancer the UV rays will give you over time. Nuff said.
Story three: What’s wrong with your face?
My second year of grad school I was interning and working quite a bit while taking a full load of credits. I was tired and overworked during my busiest week of the year and went to the bathroom during class to splash some water on my face to keep myself awake. On the way out the door decided not to open all the way but I continued to walk forward anyway. I saw stars and literally thought I broke my face. It’s kind of tough to stay inconspicuous when you sneak back to class after being gone waaay too long and you’re face is starting to bruise and swell. The next day my supervisor just looked at me and simply said “what’s wrong with your face?” Awesome.
And now on to my most recent story…
Story four: I swear there was never a wall there
I stayed at a friends house last night. I want to mention this because the injury did not occur in my own home where I clearly know the placement of the walls. I went to the bathroom before bed. All the lights were out, it was very dark. Walked out of the bathroom, turned left to go to bed and boom! There goes the wall. I have walked in and out of that bathroom a million times, definitely should have known I needed to take a few steps forward before turning down the hall. Needless to say I was laughed at…and rightfully so. Damn clutz!
If anyone is reading this and would like to pay for my nose job from all the damage I’ve done over the years I certainly wouldn’t object haha.
just kidding
